So I went to the casino
On a whim, I went to the casino in Reading. I put ten pounds into one of the electronic roulette machines and put the virtual chips on the virtual table in a pattern that’s worked before. The wheel span five times and I won every time. I had turned ten pounds into fifty. This was the time when I’d normally think: I’m on a roll; better keep this going. But, for once, I did the right thing and decided to quit while I was ahead.
Cashing in my ticket, I felt embarrassed. It felt rude to go in, take their money, then leave after ten minutes. I soon got over this. The nice young man at the cashier’s desk gave me my fifty pounds and I went out. Walking home, I thought:
I clearly have The Gift. I know how to win at roulette. My problem is, I’m not thinking big enough. If I’d multiplied all my stakes by ten, I’d have an extra five hundred pounds in my wallet instead of fifty. I never have to work again. I simply go to the casino every morning, leave ten minutes later with five hundred pounds, and the rest of the day’s my own. Even with time off for religious holidays, I’ll still clear sixty grand a year. I should head back to the casino right now and kick this off.
Fortunately, I stopped myself. The truth is, I don’t have The Gift. I got lucky. I could go back to the casino, lay the chips out in the exact same way, and be wiped out in three spins. Casinos get rich off people who believe they have The Gift or some system that means they can’t lose.
I don’t really have the soul of a gambler, at least not in this country. When I’m in Las Vegas, I’m more devil may care. As an English guy, I regard US dollars as little more than holiday tokens. They allow me to play the games in this adult amusement park. It’s different when I’m at home, using Great British pounds that sport a portrait of the Queen, Gawd bless her. This is the same money I use to buy important things like food, clothes, heating. I’m less inclined to drop it into a casino’s over-stuffed coffers.
I’ll carry on visiting the casino once every two months. I’ll put ten pounds into the machine. If I win, great. If I lose, I feel foolish for the next hour, then get over it.